"I tell you, we are here on Earth
to fart around, and don't let
anybody tell you different."
~ Kurt Vonnegut, writer
"Jerry Ford is so dumb, he can't fart
and chew gum at the same time."
~ Lyndon B. Johnson, U.S. president
"My philosophy of dating
is just to fart right away."
~ Jenny McCarthy, actress
"A good fart joke makes me bawl
with laughter – so will somebody
farting. And the word 'poo.'
You can't beat a good poo joke."
~ Jenny Eclair, actress
"If I fail, the film industry writes me off as
another statistic. If I succeed, they pay me a
million bucks to fly out to Hollywood and fart."
~ George A. Romero, film director
"At my age, you sort of fart
your way into a role."
~ Donald Sutherland, actor
"To stop smelling is to stop breathing;
people only really inhale the essence
of life when they pass gas."
~ Bauvard, writer
"Home is where the heart is,
home is where the fart is.
Come let us fart in the home.
There is no art in a fart.
Still a fart may not be artless.
Let us fart and artless fart in the home."
~ Ernest Hemingway, writer
"Let every fart count as a peal of thunder for
liberty. Let every fart remind the nation of
how much it has let pass out of its control.
It is a small gesture, but one that can be
very effective – especially in a large crowd.
So fart, and if you must, fart often. But always
fart without apology. Fart for freedom,
fart for liberty – and fart proudly."
~ Benjamin Franklin, statesman
"A fart in the face is love."
~ James Kidd, writer
"I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think
I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women."
~ James Joyce, writer
"Being married means I can break
wind and eat ice cream in bed."
~ Brad Pitt, actor
"I don't want to talk to you no more,
you empty-headed animal food trough wiper.
I fart in your general direction.
Your mother was a hamster, and
your father smelt of elderberries."
~ Taunting French Guard,
Monty Python and the Holy Grail