Thursday, July 30, 2015

10 Things I'd Rather Be Doing Today Than Getting A Filling

Climbing Mt. Everest in the winter, 
nearly as naked as the day I was born.

Licking the underside of a desk 
in an abandoned school in Chernobyl.

Bound, gagged, and duct-taped to a chair,
being forced to watch a Jersey Shore marathon.

Running from a charging bull dressed as a clown.

Searching for Sasquatch in a dense forest 
full of predators…not to mention Sasquatch.

Curling…and I don't even understand (nor 
do I have a desire to understand) the sport.

Popping someone else's zits as a favor.

Sleeping on a bed of nails.

Gouging out my own eyeball with a spoon. 
(Because it's dull, you twit, it'll hurt more!)

Writing a blog post about "Things I'd Rather 
Be Doing Today Than Getting A Filling."

Monday, July 27, 2015

Athletic Endeavors That Didn't End Well

That awkward moment when you want to punch your friend
in the face for snapping a picture instead of helping you.

He should earn at least 1 point
for style. I mean, look at that!

Well, he's safe. But is he safe?

I don't even know what's going on here. But somehow
I think this wasn't supposed to happen.

Missed it by that much.

Dude be like, hope you're okay. I'll be stealing your ball now.

Let's "face" it. This is going to leave a mark.

Two points for the dunk. Minus one for not 
getting your face out of the way afterwards.

They're probably going to deduct points for that.

"Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, 
lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground..."

Is this some weird wrestling move I don't know about,
or did he not mean to end up smelling that dude's butt?

Riding a motorcycle. You're doing it wrong.

She meant to do that. Honest, she did.

Hole in one!

She's okay. It's just a flesh wound.

She would've hit the ball, but somethings got in her way.

This is what's known as "using your head." Wrongly.

*** For more like these, check out this post I did 
on my original blog a couple of years ago. ***

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Funny Bumper Stickers

I think I'll try this...once.

If it's good enough for Inigo Montoya, 
it's good enough for me.

Yeah, I bet you say that to all the trucks.


That's really not something worth bragging about...

Chapter and verse! I need chapter and verse to verify this!

You get what you pay for.

Duly noted. Moving on...

No, but now you've gotten me in the mood
to do that. Where can I find one?

Mine can cry in three different octaves. Beat that!

That's always been my daily goal as well. (I fail a lot.)

Yeah, he's a real nincomp...wait a second!

Not only that, but they can't spell "dyslexics."

You don't want me, dragon. I'm mostly fat and full of gristle.

True story.

Except predators. They like to know what they're 
getting themselves into ahead of time.

Poor little state...

It's harder than it looks!

Not where I live.


That's hot!

But the real question is: 
Do you like to move it, move it?

That happens to you a lot, doesn't it?

This is a waste of a bumper sticker. 
Your target audience can't read it anyway.

Made ya look!

Dang it!