Climbing Mt. Everest in the winter,
nearly as naked as the day I was born.
Licking the underside of a desk
in an abandoned school in Chernobyl.
Bound, gagged, and duct-taped to a chair,
being forced to watch a Jersey Shore marathon.
Running from a charging bull dressed as a clown.
Searching for Sasquatch in a dense forest
full of predators…not to mention Sasquatch.
Curling…and I don't even understand (nor
do I have a desire to understand) the sport.
Popping someone else's zits as a favor.
Sleeping on a bed of nails.
Gouging out my own eyeball with a spoon.
(Because it's dull, you twit, it'll hurt more!)
Be Doing Today Than Getting A Filling."