Monday, June 22, 2015

Things I Don't Want My Pants To Be

20 Things I Don't Want My Pants To Be...

Too Long

Too Short

 Falling Off

Plastered On...In Purple

Furry...With Hooves

Wearable Hot Air Balloons...

...Or Otherwise Inflatable




On Fire

Bright Orange





 Spandex...With Lightning Bolts


Urkel...To The Max!


Thursday, June 4, 2015

Bizarre Quotes About Giraffes

"I was once kissed on the lips by a giraffe, 
and I don't think I've ever got over it."  
~  Joanna Lumley, actress

"You can't always write a chord ugly enough to
say what you want to say, so sometimes you have 
to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream." 
  ~  Frank Zappa, musician

"Does the giraffe know what he's for? Or care? 
Or even think about his place in things? 
A giraffe has a black tongue twenty-seven 
inches long and no vocal cords. A giraffe has 
nothing to say. He just goes on giraffing."  
~  Robert Fulghum, author

"Only a friend or a giraffe would stick his 
neck out for you. But only a giraffe would 
eat all the leaves off your tree so he could 
peek in your second-story bedroom window."  
~  Jarod Kintz, author

"I like you, 'cause you look like a giraffe 
stretching out its neck to get to fruit in a tall tree."  
 Of Montreal, rock band

"The reason why there aren't more travelers 
is that your average physicist refuses to 
be eaten by a giraffe in the name of science."  
~  Bradley Sands, writer

"I'd sell a giraffe and give you 
half just to occupy my mind."  
 The Tragically Hip, rock band

"I had a dream about you coming up with 
non sequiturs. You were a purple giraffe and I was 
an orange rhino. But we were eating liquid skittles."  
~  Ryan Lilly, author

"I know who I am. No one else knows who
I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I 
was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe."  
~  Richard Gere, actor

"I know it sounds weird, but I just have a thing
for giraffes. I got to wondering if you could own
a giraffe and if so, how much would a giraffe cost?"  
~  Kellie Pickler, singer

"Riding down the path 
on the back of a giraffe. 
Me and the giraffe laughed, 
'cause I passed some gas."  
~  Red Hot Chili Peppers, rock band

"You need that guy like 
a giraffe needs strep throat."  
~  Ann Landers, columnist

"I am an evil giraffe, and I shall eat more 
leaves from this tree than perhaps 
I should, so that other giraffes may die."  
~  Eddie Izzard, comedian

"The man who believes in 
giraffes would swallow anything."  
~  Adrian Mitchell, poet

"One last hurrah for the drunk giraffe!"  
~  Matt Smith, actor

"If I had a big giraffe, he'd have to take a real 
long bath. And that's why waterfalls are really neat."  
~  Dwight Yoakam, singer

"I wouldn't believe your wireless radio 
if I had myself a flying giraffe."  
~  Stereophonics, rock band

"I want to buy a lighthouse, 
and ride a giraffe on the rocks."  
~  Patrick Wolf, singer